BEHAVIOR MANAGEMENT
Our attitude toward behavior management and discipline is expressed in the name of our family childcare; Shantivanam Children’s Community. The word “shantivanam” means “forest of peace” which is symbolic of the key intention of our program. We encourage a peaceful environment and we use both positive discipline and preventative discipline to help create that type of setting. Positive discipline methods encourage and support the child in acceptable behavior rather than to punish them for unacceptable behavior. Preventative discipline means creating an environment and consciousness that reduces the number of situations that traditionally cause discipline problems with children. Our positive and preventative discipline policies address the following areas:
Treating children respectfully, listening to them, and explaining situations.
We work hard to ensure each child is treated in a respectful manner. For instance, we let the children know in advance if anything will be different about their routine for the day. We also give the children a warning when we are about to transition to a new activity so they can complete what they are doing. Even with the infants we try to be respectful by telling them what will be happening to them. For instance, we will say, “I’m going to change your diaper now and then I will heat your bottle and feed you” or "I'm going to wipe your nose now, are you ready?"
We listen to what the children are saying and we encourage them to express their wants and needs to the adults and to the other children. In situations where there is conflict between children, our goal is to make it a learning situation rather than a time for punishment. In conflict situations, we give each child an opportunity to explain what happened, rather than us telling them what happened and who is to blame. After each child expresses what they feel happened, we explore others ways they could have handled the situation. Then we re-enact the situation with each child trying a new way of speaking or acting.
If a child wants something we are not able to let them have, then we give them an explanation and try to help them find other options. In all situations however, safety comes first. If the situation does not lend itself to negotiating with the child, or if a child is unable to control their anger and is acting physically aggressive toward another child, then safety takes precedence over negotiation.
Language is an important aspect of our behavior management policies. When we are explaining rules we attempt to make sure the children understand all the words we are using. For example, if we tell a young child, “It’s O.K. to run on the grass but not on the patio”, then we physically show them what the “patio” is and where it ends and the grass begins. For a very young child we may also hold their hand and practice walking on the patio and then run with them when we reach the grass. When communicating with the children, we try to limit the use of the word “NO” so that it does not lose its effectiveness when we need to use it. When it’s necessary to redirect a child’s actions, we try to tell the child what they can do before we tell them what they can’t do. For instance, “You may climb on the slide, but the table is not for climbing on” or, “You may throw the ball outside but inside we need to roll the ball”. We are also aware of what we say when we need to use corrective measures. We try to use language that depersonalizes the action so it is a logical consequence instead of a personal challenge to the child. For instance, we will say, “If you continue to bang the cup on the table then it will need to go up on the counter” instead of, “If you continue to bang your cup on the table then I will take it away from you.” Though that is a subtle difference in phrasing, I have found children do respond differently. When taking corrective measures where a child needs to temporarily leave an area or activity, we always tell them they may “try again later”. If the reason for leaving is due to a safety violation, then we also emphasize we want them to be safe and we explain how they can be safe when they get to “try again”.
Avoiding frustration, over-stimulation and being tired or hungry.
To help avoid frustration, we have a child-sized physical environment so the children can easily do many things for themselves such as choosing their own toys, getting their own Kleenex, washing their own hands, or getting their own drink of water. This not only encourages independence but also reduces unnecessary frustration at having to communicate their needs to others and wait for them to respond. To help avoid frustration in infants and toddlers who are not yet able to express themselves verbally, we teach them American Sign Language so they also can communicate their wants and desires.
To avoid over-stimulation, the environment is set up in an uncluttered, orderly fashion. We also have quiet areas that are available both inside and outside so a child can rest or be quiet whenever they feel they want to get away from the busy atmosphere of the other children's activities.
We have nap time after lunch (or quiet time for older children who don’t nap any more), but any child who is tired may rest or nap at any time of the day. We also space our snacks and meal times at approximately 2 ½ hour intervals to avoid having children who are overly hungry. (Infants are fed on their own individualized scheduled.)
Giving Opportunities to Learn Self-control.
I believe the art of self-control is not innate in a child, but is a learned skill. Therefore, I feel it is our responsibility to give the children gentle opportunities to practice and thus develop this important skill that will serve them throughout their lives. To help the children develop self-control and self-discipline we have deliberately set-up daily situations that give them opportunities to practice it. One of the ways we do this is to avoid purchasing toys and other items that are all identical. For instance, if the children are choosing drinking cups from an array of different colors, a child’s color preference may be gone by the time it is their turn to choose. When that happens, we work with the child to find ways to deal with their disappointment. We also do this with the toys such as the strollers and lawnmowers. If a child wants a particular color lawnmower (which they often do) they may get the opportunity to practice self-control while waiting for that lawnmower to become available. In the meantime, we help them learn negotiation skills if they want to offer to trade another lawnmower, or cup, etc., for the one they want.
Snack and meal times are another opportunity for the children to practice the art of self-control. The children eat together and if a child finishes before the others, he is to remain in his seat until other children have finished also. At that time we work with him by saying such things as, “Let’s look around and see if any of the other children are still eating.” This not only gives the child practice at self-control by sitting when he would rather be up playing, but it also starts the process of social consciousness so he can become aware of other people and their needs. For more on how we help the children develop a sense of social responsibility, see our Character Development Program.
Role Models
Research has shown that children's behavior is strongly influenced by what they observe and how they are treated by their primary caregivers in the first three year of their life. Considering that, we remain mindful of how important our part is as a role model. We strive to always present respectful and appropriate behavior around the children. We speak and act respectfully to other adults and to the children. We never physically strike or harm a child in anyway in the name of discipline. Though we may ask a child to sit calmly for a short time (one minute for each year they are old) we do not use the term "time-out" and we don't designate a time-out bench or place.
Problem Behavior Resolution
With all of the care we take to create an environment that is conducive to appropriate behavior, we are also aware there may be times when a child’s behavior becomes a detriment to the well being of the other children and/or to the program. In such a case we first consult with the parents and, if appropriate, encourage them to seek counseling or use the free services of the Child Behavioral Specialist at the YMCA Childcare Resource Service. In all situations however, we reserve the right to make the final decision as to whether a child’s behavior is such that it is in the best interest of the Community-at-large for the child to leave the program.